Learning how to cook is something I never really had a strong desire to do. Maybe since I am moving into an apartment next month, that will all change, but until now I have not really had the desire to call myself a ‘chef’. I mean, I can make the standard stuff: sandwich, hot dog, burger, salad, pasta…but that is about it…not a master by any means, but I won’t “burn the toast”, as some people say.
Another common saying equated with basic cooking ability is “I can boil an egg…”, a task which should be pretty standard right? Well, apparently boiling an egg is so hard that the British Egg Information Service (seriously? An egg information service?) has come up with an egg that, according to The Times, is a ”self-timing egg imbued with the powers of heat-sensitive invisible ink that turns black the minute that it is ready. All you need to do is decide whether you prefer your eggs soft, medium or hard-boiled, and buy accordingly.”
So basically, boiling an egg is SO HARD that this group of people had to go and spend money (money that could have been put to better use, I am sure) to figure out a way to add invisible ink that will appear on the egg. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I mean, maybe on pork chops, or some steak, or tandoori chicken, this type of thing would be helpful (given that it disappeared after a few minutes so those eating the stuff don’t know your trick), but on a freakin’ egg? Has the desire to do as little work as possible while achieving the same level of quality taken over society to the point where eggs are now being labelled and will tell you when they are ready? I mean, the toast popping out of the toaster when it is done is one thing, but tell-you-when-they-are-ready eggs? A spokeswoman for Lion Quality Eggs stated that “this is a big issue – people can’t even boil an egg.” Maybe these people got confused and were trying to boil a chicken…
Sometimes you have to stop yourself and think, what the f***. For me, this was one of those times.
Cheers,
Taps
P.S. You know what I would be impressed by…an egg that would speak when it was ready. “Your soft-boiled egg is ready.” “Your soft-boiled egg is now a medium boiled egg.” “Your soft-boiled egg is now a hard-boiled egg.” “Hey asshole, come get your freakin’ egg!” ;-)
P.P.S. For anyone I offended while writing this who really doesn’t know how to boil an egg, here is a my step by step guide to boiling an egg:
Step 1: Buy an egg.
Step 2: Put water in a pot and put it on the stove.
Step 3: Place the egg in the water once you see the little bubbles appear.
Step 4: Watch as the little bubbles become big bubbles (phenomenon called boiling…occurs when water reaches 100°C or 212°F)
Step 5: After the egg has been sitting in boiling water for a few minutes, take it out of the water and boom, there you go. A boiled egg. Now eat up.
