the problem with the heteronormative binary is that, like kathryn said, it makes things black and white. life isn’t black and white; it’s all sorts of shades and everything in between. we’re just scared of “the other.” that being said, most relationships do tend to have a masculine/feminine balance, but many do not: butch/butch, fem/fem, etc. once you get into advanced queer theory, even gender is critiqued, deconstructed and even thrown out, but that’s too off the chain with it, colloquially put.

to answer your question, the inmates who have sex with the same sex wouldn’t necessarily be gay, per se, but their acts are, indeed, homosexual. but i think one can be gay without even having experienced a homosexual act; one just knows. the trouble with the word gay is that it refers to biological sexual orientation, but also “gay culture.” whether you think such culture exists, that’s another story. glbtq people, like all humanity, ranges the full spectrum of diversity, fyi – but you knew this already.

your definition of what it means to be gay should be applicable to women as well. maybe because i’m a feminist, and i’m gender neutral and all about gender equality, or i know a considerable number of bisexual women and lesbians, who knows? women who make out with other women, katy perry style, are 1) lame for being tools to male enslavement, to even consider making out with someone for her man’s pleasure – is she not a woman of worth? 2) considered hot. it is here where a double standard exists. two men kissing = sinners, gross, subhuman, gay. two women kissing = hot, sexy, confused, hot. lets not forget the women who kiss women because they like kissing women. as an aside, lesbianism is not my forté and is quite confusing, even for the butchiest lesbian.

would it be radical of me to suggest that all humans are capable of loving all genders, and even push the envelope to suggest that we’re all bisexual? do you know how many “straight” men i know that mess around with other men? in the black community it’s called the DL, in the white community it’s called men who have sex with men, and in latin america “gay men” are only gay when they are the passive partner. there are cultural differences, and we can only maintain a sense of cultural relativism when dealing with them; that is, we should understand those cultures within their context, and hopefully not judge them. but lets be real, if you’re messing around with the same sex, enjoy it, and do it more frequently than “occasionally,” one has to come to terms with her/his sexuality. now that’s the hard part – one of the many struggles to overcome. lots of men believe that a hole is a hole, a mouth is a mouth, just close your eyes. problem solved? idk.

i enjoyed reading your post. people, straight men especially, who think about these things, and publicly even, should be commended. you get a gold star sticker in my book, rishi.

ps hope life is good, man. take care.
pps sorry if i was too real or blunt. that’s just my style. “i ain’t neva lied and i ain’t neva scared” is my philosophy in life.

Thank you.

Vito

http://www.thehotstop.info

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Ref: Dan Savage